I feel so violated!

I've had a rough couple of days. If you've read any of my recent posts, you know. I'm just starting to get back to "normal" after being extremely exhausted; mentally, physically and emotionally. Today was the first day I functioned with anything close to clarity.

And then it happened... I opened the invite to the family reunion. I was informed that it was "something else" by my sister-in-law when I saw her over the weekend. She said that she thought it was a joke and that I had to read it. This did not prepare me for what I was about to read. This is the actual text:

[all names have been changed to protect the dead and the sane]

"Dear Expectant Relative,

A monumental, friendly, cataclysmic event is scheduled to take place on July 23, 2005. This event pales into insignificance in the light of the fast approaching rapture of His Church and the return of Christ for His Bride. A wedding will take preeminence over a reunion, (Even the long awaited Moron Reunion) any day. You are invited to BOTH events. However only the latter has a known, herein publicized date.

The first wedding invitations went out over 2000 years ago. They are still being issued. There is no expiration date on then, as the bride doesn't know exactly when the Groom will return. She has to be ready 24/7. Should the Groom return before the reunion, we will host the Moron Reunion in the Throne Room of the King. What a reunion that will be. It'll be like old times with Rudolph, Marie, Adolph, Robert and others we know who have gone on before and are cheering us on.

Should the Groom tarry and you can grace our humble abode, bring your 2 favorite dishes, meat and drive and tableware will be provided."

It went on to provide directions and there was a request to stay as long as you like. The closing was "Because of Him."

I believe my mouth was hanging open by the end of the second sentence. I just couldn't believe what I was reading. After a flash of memories of the people named in the second paragraph, I knew I had to respond. My recollections of those named individuals provide a completely different impression.

So I've drafted a letter. There are so many more things I can add and points I can make, but I'm worried that they'd just toss the letter aside with a flick without absorbing my most important point... tolerance and respect.

Here's what I've written. Go ahead and put in your two cents.

"Man and Wife:

Sadly, for many years I have been unable to attend the Moron family reunion. It is an event that I had always intended to get to.

Unfortunately, after reading your invite I am asking that you please remove our names and address from the mailing list for the Moron family reunion. My entire family is deeply offended by the opening paragraphs of the invite and your presumption that we share the theology you so readily espoused.

While I understand you find joy in your beliefs, I also expect that you would have realized and understood that not everyone holds those same beliefs, and then use that knowledge when creating and sending invitations for an event that could be attended by a wide range of individuals.

There are many branches on the Moron family tree. I certainly envisioned them to be more progressive and broad-minded than what your invite portrays.

With best wishes for you and your family,
Weenus"